|
Below is the text my mother
and Tom's former wife, Sue Blackmore, has posted on her website, with the pictures
of Tom which she has been unable to upload.
To all my
friends who knew Tom this is what happened.
We in the
family learnt of his death on Thursday November 17th. He had been in Amsterdam,
staying in a hotel on his way to give a lecture in Mainz, which he was much
looking forward to. On the Tuesday evening he sent cheerful texts to his partner
Carol, describing his evening misty walk along the canals, and pleasant time in
a coffee shop.
He did not
turn up in Mainz and the people there contacted Bristol University to find out
what had happened. To cut a long story short, with police blunders and other
difficulties, it took until Thursday afternoon for us to learn the truth.
On the
Wednesday morning the hotel maid had found Tom apparently asleep in bed. She
notified the manager who realised he was dead and called the police and forensic
doctor. I spoke at some length to the police woman who was there. She said he
was curled up as though asleep with his hands under his head and "had no frown
on his face". This was a great comfort. They found the medication for his heart
condition and high blood pressure next to the bed and concluded that he died of
natural causes, almost certainly a heart attack in his sleep.
Once we had
all spoken to each other, the family all decided to come here. Jolyon drove from
Cambridge to Birmingham to collect his partner, Emma; Emily and her partner,
David, drove to Bristol to collect Carol and some of Tom's papers. They all
arrived here in Devon on Thursday evening. Carol's two children, Lily and Frida,
drove over from Germany arriving on Friday evening.
As I write
on Saturday morning we are trying to plan the next steps. For now I can say that
we will be having a funeral for family and close friends, here in Devon, as soon
as we can arrange it. Then we will have a much bigger event for all the hundreds
of people who knew and loved Tom, to celebrate his life and work, probably in
Bristol, in the New Year.
If you are
on Facebook there are lots of wonderful pictures and comments on his page there.
I am not, hence writing my own personal piece here. I am sorry I have not been
able to ring everyone. I will add some pictures soon.
Tom was the
lively and eccentric heart of our unusual extended family and will be horribly
missed. Although he and I split up more than twenty years ago, all of you who
knew him will know how much he meant to all of us. Since we moved to Thornham
three years ago, he has been here many times, often staying with Carol in "Tubalard",
his great cow-spotted camper van, in the field. He always cooked Christmas
dinner for a large family gathering, whether here or in Bristol. When Adam and I
got married here last year, he gave me away and gave a brilliant speech about my
Dad. Then he inspired the construction of his wedding present for us - the eco
hot tub. He was already planning what to cook for a big family new year
celebration here.
We are all
shattered but all together and looking after each other.
Sue.
Update – Friday November 25th
Tom’s body has
at last been returned home and the autopsy carried out. As we expected, his
death was caused by heart-related problems, in particular coronary artery
atherosclerosis and cardiomyopathy.
I know both
from this and from a long and very helpful conversation with the Dutch
policewoman who attended the hotel where he died that he must have died
peacefully in his sleep. When asked how he looked, she said he was curled up on
his side as though asleep and “with not any frown on his face”.
We are now
able to arrange the funeral for Thursday December 1st, and there will
be a memorial event in Bristol in the new year.
More about Tom
Tom and I met
on the ski slopes of Aviemore on 6th April 1977 when both of us were PhD
students. I was captain of the Surrey University ski team and he was captain of
City University. We two were in direct competition – to see which team would
come last. I forget which did.
It was love at
first sight. Just the other night I reread my diaries from that time, when I was
full of bewilderment that I was in love with a man I hardly knew. I discovered
that his name was Troscianko! He had been born in Germany, a stateless person,
but was actually Polish. English was his third language! So he was both foreign
and a Catholic and yet I was in love with him. I had no doubts, and I guess he
didn’t either, and he soon moved into my house in Guildford.
On July 3rd
we went for an LSD trip, wandering through the lovely Surrey woodlands near
Guildford on a bright, sunny day. There we sat facing each other, our legs
straddled across a log, seeing mysterious faces come and go, each other
transforming into monsters, angels, and other strange creatures (as one does!),
and there we made our vows to each other. “I shall love you until I die and even
afterwards.”
We were
married on September 16th (I had to look up the date!), much to my
parents’ disapproval. My Mum wanted us to wait until spring when, as Tom put it,
“the birds would all be tweeting”. We did not want to wait. We spent our wedding
night on the Aberdeen sleeper and honeymooned in a very small tent on wild and
windy Shetland. Thereafter we always celebrated July 3rd as our
wedding anniversary, not September 16th .
Living with
Tom was not always easy – I don’t suppose living with me was either! In 1990 we
split up and had a couple of years of all round misery. Then in 1993 I moved to
Bristol and soon met Adam. Tom and I worked out a way to share the care of Emily
and Jolyon, both living in Bristol. We soon began having boat trips, holidays
and Christmases all together, with Tom cooking amazing dinners on his boat, in
his house, or in our house.
Tom and I did
not get divorced and for many years. I rather enjoyed introducing people to ‘my
husband Tom and my lover Adam’! But when Adam and I moved to Devon in 2008 we
set up a new life for ourselves and suddenly it seemed right to accept Adam’s
repeated proposals. Tom and I were divorced in 2009 and spent out last night of
‘wedded bliss’ at his house in Bristol, smoking and drinking far too much
champagne, and reminiscing about our 32 years of marriage and parenthood.
In 2010 Adam
and I married at our house and Tom gave me away. Although the symbolism of men
giving women away is obnoxious I decided to embrace the old traditions rather
than reject them. My father had died only a few years before, and Tom made a
wonderful, moving speech about him. After the formal ceremony in the house, we
had a less formal one for all our friends in the garden, where we have an old
stone bridge over the river. There Tom dragged me across the bridge to Adam
waiting on the other side, and not only handed me over but gave him his own
wedding ring as well. In these, and many other ways, Tom was at the heart of our
family.
After writing
the above, I decided to sit by my fire and reread the diary from that day in
July 1977. I was pleased to see that my recollections were true, but I was also
surprised at some of what I wrote. I therefore reproduce, verbatim, a few short
extracts here.
From my diary 3 July 1977
Today we
tripped and were married!
We walked
first to the common and found a place to sit under a tree … Then we set off to
Worplesdon looking at flowers all the way …We ended up at a high place with an
oak tree and … many changes took place. I wish I could recall them all. I will
recall them all. But I feel I can only record ideas.
Tom said there are only 2 kinds of people, those who keep on living and those
who give up. ...
We sat facing each other astride a bench and married ourselves. I promised to
stay with him forever and ever and to love him until I die and afterwards, and
he promised the same. … I saw horror and pain in his face, and joy and laughter,
but mostly I saw a young fair prince, strong and beautiful, sitting under his
tree. … this day was so special. I felt very happy. Funny – a typical tripping
thing, we found ourselves walking, from 10 yards away, straight towards the
place where we had first sat down at 10 a.m., now at 6 p.m., in the middle of
nowhere!
On reading it
again, after nearly 35 years, I was specially struck by that comment “Tom
said there are only 2 kinds of people, those who keep on living and those who
give up.”
We know which
kind Tom admired, and which kind he was. He kept on living right to the end.
Tom starting to
indulge his life-long love of boats,
Riccione, Italy, 1961
As a little
boy,
Cesenatico, Italy, 1955
As a slightly
bigger boy in Corfu
As a super-cool
teenager,
Marbella, 1968
With his father Wiktor,
Seefeld, Austria, c. 1967
With Dana in Benissa, near
Alicante
Skiing with Emily on his back,
1983
With newborn Jolyon, 1984
Captain Tom, Oxford, 2006
Swapping his Motorbike for his Motorhome -
Tubalard - at the aptly named "Senior Motors" 2009
At Sue's wedding to Adam 19 June 2010
You can see
more wedding pictures with all the family.
Celebrating Sue's 60th birthday, 29 July 2011, with Tubalard behind.
|